February 22: Happy Birthday

When I arranged to be by the beach for my birthday, I was not expecting 45 degree weather and pouring rain. It was another long day on the road because local flooding forced me to take a different route. There were more bridges than I could count, and seemingly endless stretches of bayou. Some of the 175 or so miles were on the worst roads I have traveled as Louisiana surpassed both Pennsylvania and New Jersey. So bad, the lock on my magic chest worked its way out and the top went up and the drawers slid out, the couch walked across the floor, flecks of insulation sprinkled down on me from above the windshield, and my faucet, which was already a bit wonky, separated from the sink.

Driving below the speed limit, at times going only 25 with my flashers, in rain that was coming down so hard when I went to turn my windshield wipers on high I realized they were already on high. To arrive before dark, I didn't stop for food, flowers, or cake (because I spent the morning doing laundry and getting a shower). I've decided not to open the bottle of wine or mix a drink or otherwise alter my chemistry to dull the sadness or mask the frustration. Instead I am going to sit on the ottoman in front of the diesel heater, wrapped in a blanket, and let my emotions wind down as I work on being grateful.

I shared my birthday with my sister (This is one of my favorite photos of the two of us.) and have gotten so many messages and comments delivering love and good cheer. Turning 71 was not nearly as traumatizing as turning 70. Karmalita got me here. I found a dress behind where I keep my laundry bag; I thought I'd left on Karma because it's been missing that long. I found a roll of paper towels there, too, that replaced the roll that ran out two days ago. I didn't wait to find cheaper diesel, because if I had, I probably would have run out of fuel on one of those long stretches of nothingness. I thought I left my credit card at the gas station, but I found it in my pocket. I got to see the west side of the Gulf of Mexico.

Hmmm ... I think it's working already. I'm going to scrounge up something to eat, turn up the heat some more, and continue to add to my list.